Sometimes I get sick of telling people that their diabetes will be ok, and they will be ok, and everything will be ok. Not because I don’t believe that to be true, I do. I think everything WILL be ok. But damn it, diabetes is NOT always ok. I am exhausted at the moment- are you? It is that whole end of year , nearly at Christmas, we can see the finish line thing.
My 6 year old Maxwell got up today and fell asleep on the couch for a minute or two, and then jumped awake shouting, “I wasn’t asleep!”He gets that from his Dad. 🙂
And my 15 year old couldn’t manage day 4 of work experience. I know his problem.
The thing is, not only am I exhausted from working bloody hard and sleeping very little all year. I am exhausted from managing diabetes. Do you know what I mean? It has NOT been ok. I have had swings from highs to lows and sudden hypos that freaked me out and stubborn highs. My gut problems from gastroparesis continue to play with me. And some days lately I have felt like maybe it WON’T be ok…..
So here are 20 things I hate about diabetes (coz we all have to get this crap out sometimes – try it, it helps!) Feel free to share and comment if you feel the same or want to add to the list
1) It’s so damn unpredictable and never ending
2) Finding spots for finger pricks after 35 years and up to 20 tests a day is pretty hard – you should see my fingers, they are a mess…..
3) There are no perfectly 100 % accurate blood glucose monitors and do you KNOW how much difference a 1 or 2 mmol reading can make to some of us with type 1??
4) My skin is stuffed and finding sites for my pump continues to be a delight of each and every day
5) Hypos, especially sudden ones where I go under 3 mmol freak me out
6) Hypers, especially unexpected ones where I go over 16 mmol freak me out
7) People ask me all the time in airports to “take the pager off” as I go through the scanner
8) It is exhausting
9) The general public don’t get it. They think it is simple.
10) It has damaged areas of my body that I am terrified will just get worse…
11) Exercise is a debacle, you need a PhD and even then your theories will be challenged every time you go out for a run
12) There is no spontaneity
13) Leaving home to go out involves lugging a suitcase with you
14) Carbs Carbs Carbs you are such a challenge – can’t live with em, can’t live without em
15) I worry that my children will get diabetes
16) I worry about losing my blood machine or breaking my pump, or forgetting to put it on after a shower – being reliant on machines to keep you alive is stressful
17) It costs a LOT and we should have a concession card- all of our lives
18) It keeps me awake at night- sometimes sitting up to make sure my levels are not too high or too low before going to sleep
19) All the “I quit sugar” people give me the shits
20) It is for life. It isn’t going anywhere fast. The promised cures never come. This is IT.
Oh and you know it WILL be ok. It always is in the end. But sometimes you just gotta get this stuff out. If you are feeling like me- please comment and share. You will feel better trust me and at least we know we are all in it together next time you are sitting up at night, or screaming at your blood glucose machine.