I used to feel, and sometimes still do, that I have a split personality. I mean there is the ‘wonderful’ me that copes with life and the three kids, work responsibilities, parents screaming in my ear, demands from everywhere….and then there is the me with high levels… the ‘angry’ me. The me that battles to leave the chocolate caramel slice and go for the apple because I am too angry to listen to that ever persistent diabetes voice inside my head.
Then there is that never ending battle between the ‘wonderful’ me and the ‘angry’ me. The battle that tends to be fought constantly and yet never end…never even making headway! The battle that rages inside my head when I know I have not eaten correctly.
The battle that when it is in full swing, heaven help anyone that comes near me. I hate the way I have been made to look so critically on all my actions. Have I walked enough this week, eaten well this week, taken my levels today, had my eyes tested, my feet checked, my blood tested, my heart checked…what about ME.
I am more than just numbers and tests and points. I am more than a urine sample. I have a part that seems never to be checked…I have a soul and a mind, and they are both in battle because the figures don’t add up that they should exist! What about a reality test?
When will a doctor or educator turn to me and say…”so, how are YOU going? How is the you inside that is trying to cope with all these demands going?”
How is the you that is hidden away fading into the background, becoming less of a person compromising all that you are, putting your dreams and aspirations on hold while you slowly turn into a pin cushion going? How is the battle?