It was really good to read the other stories as it made me feel less alone. And less guilty for being an incapable adult who is slowly screwing up their body. I have had Type 1 Diabetes for 16 years and am terrified of wearing a pump but also of the complications. Do they happen to everyone? Are they inevitable? I feel like I have asked these questions a hundred times but I still don’t really know. I want some to tell me I’m going to be ok when I’m 35 or when I’m 50.
I don’t know anyone with Diabetes and so when I have ups and downs, I feel just so incredibly lonely. I don’t talk to anyone about my diabetes except my doctors. They are really helpful but don’t have diabetes. I tend to smile and friends and family think I have really good control. Tonight for unknown reasons my blood sugar is 21. Last night it was 19 before I went to bed and then I woke up a few hours later and it had plummeted to 2. This happens often.
Sometimes (like now) I lie awake and just cannot sleep, tormented by thoughts of what damage I do to my body. I don’t smoke, drink in moderation, exercise and eat healthy foods but still do not have good control. And then I get stressed about how tired I will be the next day because I can’t sleep. Lack of sleep affects my blood sugars. It is a vicious cycle. I am fine for periods of time and then I am not. But I don’t tell anyone.